Why Have Good Character?

Few parents REALLY know how to prepare their children for work life.  Even fewer take the

time. Joanie B. Connell’s new book, Flying Without a Helicopter, will give them a needed boost towards their child’s journey of self-awareness to prepare them for success, not requiring them to take years to figure it out.

This book is broken down into Problems, Solutions, and Exercises, making it easy to follow and to understand.  Whether you’re a parent, a young adult, or even a manager or business owner, you’re going to read this book and end up with some much needed insight into the TRUE meaning of work and life skills.

My guest blogger today just happens to be Joanie Connell. Think about your own character. Is it appropriate for teaching your children?

Why Have Good Character?

By Joanie Connell

One evening several years back, my husband, daughter and I were sitting around the kitchen table after dinner. My husband got up and went into the pantry and shut the door behind him. I heard a bunch of rustling noises, like plastic bags being handled. I couldn’t for the life of me think of why my husband would go into the pantry and shut the door, and what he could possibly be doing in there. Then all of a sudden I remembered that I had hidden all of the Halloween candy in there! He was eating it! What do you think I did? I covered for him in front of my daughter then I took a turn!

Yes, I still do feel guilty about it, 8 years later. It just doesn’t seem right to tell my daughter that she can’t eat candy but I can. But how many of us do this? How many parents hold their children to different standards than they hold themselves? It occurs in various forms.

• The children should get all A’s, even though the parents didn’t.
• The children should cross at the crosswalk, even though the parents don’t.
• The children should never lie, even though the parents do.
• The children should not drink alcohol before the legal age, even though the parents did.
• The children should perform community service, but the parents don’t.

Children learn character from their parents. They catch us in a lie. They ask why it is okay to tell Grandma that her cake was delicious even though we threw it away. They hear us yelling at other drivers from the car. They see whether we return the shopping cart, whether we come to a full stop at the intersection, whether we download music from iTunes or someone else’s computer.

But we shouldn’t just have good character for our kids. We should have it for ourselves first and foremost. And if we don’t have good character for ourselves or our kids, we should have it because society needs people of character for it to succeed. If we all let ourselves go, looking out for no one but ourselves, cheating the rules, and ignoring requests, we will all lose. Humans are social beings; we need each other to survive. Why not treat each other well in the process?

Joanie B. Connell, Ph.D., is a talent management expert and career coach for people across job levels, ages, and industries. She works with companies to attract, develop, and retain top talent and she works with individuals to improve their success and happiness in their careers. Learn more about Joanie and her new book, Flying without a Helicopter online at flyingwithout.com. 

Where The Heck Did The Time Go?

Where the heck did the time go? Wow. How many of us have asked ourselves that one . . . many times?

The average day can be divided into six segments (with average hours):
Sleep - 8
Work - 8
Eat - 3
Personal Hygiene - 1
Commute - 2, and
Various - 2

Most people think they know how much time they spend on what they do. But unless you’re keeping track of it, mmmmm no, you really don’t. It’s like a diet. Until you start writing down EVERYTHING you eat, you don’t really have a clear picture of what you’re putting in your body – believe me, I’ve done it.

According to Merrill & Donna Douglass in their book Manage Your Time Your Work Yourself, “we have about two hours each day to do the various personal things that make life worth living. That’s not much. But it gets worse. By their own account, most people waste at least two hours every day”! Any free evening is a luxury.

The only way to get out of this rut is to sit down and figure out just what you’re spending time on and learn to manage your time better. This is called – work life balance.

The Douglass’s suggest drawing three circles divided like a pie. In one, distribute your time the way you THINK is true. In the second, indicate how you ACTUALLY distribute your time. In the last, draw an IDEAL pie. “The difference between where you are now and where you would like to be is the source for possible goals.”

Just like anything you do to be successful, you need to plan and set goals.

Your Endless Journey

You should NEVER end your journey of learning.

In the December issue of SUCCESS magazine, Paula Deen is asked for her "ingredients for a life well spent". Here's, in part, how she answered (buy the magazine to get the rest):

• "I think it's about the journey. It's about learning things about ourselves. . . . It's about lookin' over your shoulder and learnin' from your mistakes. . . . It's really about that journey, you know, and the people we meet, the opportunities that we need to go after. It's about our relationships with our family and our friends. It's so much more. I'm not through with my journey yet."

Paula is right on. You can't improve and continue to succeed by ending your journey. I know for some people it's a chore just to get the journey started, but you soon find out that you're much better off.

Learning doesn't end with a high school or college diploma - they're just the anchors. Don't think of it as the end - they're the beginning. Your formal education gets you on the right track and provides the basic footing to a long and prosperous journey. Add your relationships with family, friends, and business associates and you have a winning combination. Jim Rohn said:

• "Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning is where the miracle process all begins."

Each of us is defined, and enriched, by our relationships to others. You've heard the ole saying, "you are what you eat"? Well . . . you are who you meet. Our relationships are a fundamental source of learning.

So what are you waiting for? Get going. Go read a book - develop a relationship - read a book about developing relationships. Just don't stop.

We’ve Got Some Work To Do

I recently read the Josephson Institute’s 2008 Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth. It was based on a survey of nearly 30,000 students in high schools across the U.S. It’s quite alarming as this is the future. NOW is the time to be working with kids to get them, and keep them, on the right track to success. These are the people that will be running our local businesses and international corporations in the near future.

The report showed that a “total of 30 percent of teens admitted stealing from a store within the past year.” One “good” thing about this is that “Honors students (21 percent), student leaders (24 percent), and students involved in youth activities like the YMCA and school service clubs (27 percent) were less likely to steal.” Although not totally, positive influence programs DO help.

It goes on to say that “42 percent said that they sometimes lie to save money. More than eight in ten students (83 percent) confessed they lied to a parent about something significant.” And “64 percent cheated on a test during the past year (38 percent did so two or more times).”

“Despite these high levels of dishonesty, the respondents have a high self-image when it comes to ethics. A whopping 93 percent said they were satisfied with their personal ethics and character and 77 percent said that when it comes to doing what is right, I am better than most people I know.”

Personal responsibility, personal ethics, leadership – these things don’t necessarily come naturally. Why wait to teach them till bad habits have already taken root? Get involved with local schools or the “Y” as a volunteer or a mentor and start shaping tomorrow’s replacements today.

Playing Favorites? Or Just Your Perception?

The boss is having a Monday morning laugh with one of your counterparts. You wait for him to stop by and have a laugh with you but, alas, he passes right by with a “morning”. Favoritism? Maybe. But yet again, maybe not.

Some leaders actually do play the favoritism game. We all know - or should - that this is just wrong. There is no place in the workplace for it. It causes disengagement and distrust. But the “perceived” favoritism just may be a case of liking someone better than others. Workplace or not, it’s just human nature. But it doesn't make it any better.

Take a look at who you’re dealing with. Who are you socializing with? Who are you engaging in small talk with? If it’s the same people all the time, while disregarding others, you’re going to have to do some changing in order to keep everyone in tune.

Now this doesn’t mean to just cut out socializing. Socializing is a big part of establishing rapport with staff. You need to be establishing a rapport with everyone, not just the people that you “like”. Having that rapport can be thought of as a kind of recognition by some. It’s a motivator. If staff see you yucking it up with some, but not with others, it’s perceived that you just don’t care about them. That’s definitely not what you want. It IS, however, one of the things that you just have to deal with in today’s world – negative thoughts come before positive ones. Once a perception is ingrained, it’s hard to reverse it.

Talk with all of your staff. Get to know a little bit about them and their families. Find out a couple of key likes and dislikes. A short conversation here and there is all you need to make EVERYONE feel appreciated.

Restaurant Service

I had such a great customer service experience this weekend I just have to share it. My wife and I went to Buffalo Beach http://www.buffalobeachbros.com/ in Virginia Beach this weekend. This is a "family-friendly spin on the sports bar and grill". We'd been there once before and really enjoyed the atmosphere AND the food. Judy ordered the Caesar Salad with chicken. When it was brought to the table some of the chicken was pretty burnt. They were very busy, so we understand "stuff" happens. About a minute later our beverages were brought over and we asked for the dish to be taken back - we didn't realize it was the bartender, not a waitress. Without hesitating or looking for the waitress, she apologized and took the dish to the kitchen. In the next 5-10 minutes, both the bartender and our waitress stopped by at least once to ask if they could do anything else - all with a smile - every time. They seemed so dedicated to making sure that we were happy with our dining experience.

I was so impressed with these two that I asked to talk to a manager. The person who came to the table actually happened to be one of the the owners, Steve. I told him how we appreciated their staff's concern and smiles and that it was because of their service (and the atmosphere and the FANTASTIC food) that we'll continue to come back.

It's opportunities like this that staff have to kick it into a different gear. If handled wrong, this could have easily turned into a "we won't be back" situation. I like to tell people about good restaurants we've been to and the better the service, the higher the praise. Four thumbs up to Buffalo Beach!

Opus Dei Management

I recently read an article by Jeffrey Pfeffer called The Benefits of Company as Family. It caught my eye because of the reference to Opus Dei which was a big part of The Da Vinci Code - good movie. Pfeffer talks about the three weeks he spent at IESE, a Spanish business school founded by Opus Dei in 1958. There they have a bigger emphasis on ethics and values than other business schools.

Where alot of schools AND businesses overlook the personal relationships of their staff, IESE emphasizes the long-term. They have more personal commitment to their students/faculty with a caring culture. The alumni association boasts enrollment of forty percent of the schools alumni - Wow. The dean of the school arranged all doctors appointments and transportation for Pfeffer's wife when she took ill while visiting. Take care and get to know your students/staff now and they'll be there for years to come.

In Pfeffer's same article he talks about U.K.-based Innovation Group. They have lowered their employee turnover from 30% to 4%. Huh? No typo here. When new staff come on board, their spouses receive flowers as a welcome to the company. Family members are invited to every social function they hold - no sneaking around the copy room. And because there is so much travel involved, the company offers concierge services and gifts to recognize their sacrifices. FOUR PERCENT turnover. The industry STANDARD is 30%.

Take those extra steps - they count. You don't need to spend an exorbitant amount of money or go way out of your way to make an organization more liked. Just be more "human", less "corporate".